If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Randomize
