you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
