Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
