so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
