I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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