he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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