Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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