in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
