Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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