haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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