4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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