Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
