Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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