well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
