come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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