Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
