Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
