So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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