is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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