i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
