Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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