You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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