it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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