Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
