look no pants
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
