The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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