I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
