Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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