I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
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He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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