i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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