I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
