I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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