She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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