Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
