I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
