Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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