i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
