can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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