I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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