I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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