The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We are two peas in an std pod
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
