I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
