i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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