I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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