bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
