I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
