so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
