If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
