I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
