Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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