Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Im part way to drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
