im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
