I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
