'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
