We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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