is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I touched a dick in church today
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
