I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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