My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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