did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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