I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
