i wish my penis had a tongue
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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