Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
