I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize