just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
