You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
