I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
