pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
