I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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