...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
