Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
