On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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