wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
