Me too!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
