So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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