[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
