Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
