I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
