I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
