I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
